Originally written for International Pagan Values Blogging Month. 

My first reaction upon hearing about IPVBM was: that's a nice idea, but personally my values don't have much to do with my religion. And for the most part, I think that's true. But there are a few things I would consider values (as in, guidelines for how to live) that are somewhat intertwined with my spiritual life, especially when it comes to Dionysos. The longer I am a Dionysian, the more I feel this way, so I figure it is worth writing about:

I believe that everyone should live their life intentionally, with passion and direction, pursuing what they desire, and not letting life pass them by.

Basically, what Thoreau said: "I went into the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life...to put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived." In fact, I think the first time I heard that quote, well before I read Thoreau himself in school, was in the movie Dead Poets Society (I would have been around 12). That was a very influential movie for me - I remember the horror and deep sorrow I felt for the character who saw no way to pursue the life he wanted. And I knew that could not be me.

Another pivotal moment of this sort came for me when my mother came out as a lesbian. I was 15, she was 42. I remember thinking, I do not want to be blind to who I am and what I want in life, and find out something that important when I am already middle-aged. I am very grateful to her for that inadvertent lesson, for it stuck with me the rest of my life, and contributed to my taking constant stock of where I am in my life, what my goals are, who I am and want to be, etc.

Too many people - probably most people from what I can tell, at least in our culture - just go through life on auto-pilot. They take the steps they are supposed to for a so-called 'happy life' whether that's really what they want or not. They have no sense of being in control of their lives - things happen to them and they react, never proactive. They set up all these little unspoken rules for how their life can be and don't even realize it, how they've limited themselves. They are constrained from within and without.

I think that way of being is an insult to the gift of life we've been given. To not make the most you can out of what you have, to never be self-aware enough to even know what you want, is a shame.

It doesn't matter what you want. Hell, maybe you really do want the white picket fence and two kids and all of that - then go for it. But do it because you want it, not because it's the only option you've ever even considered, because everyone else is doing it. I had this conversation with my dad once - back when I was in a place in my life where I felt it was worth it to have very little and be very poor in order to only have to work a few days a week (I'm not too far from that now, and may be there again, as things continue to flow and change in my life). I asked him if he felt it was worth it to spend so much of his time working  just to have nice things. And you know what? He said yes, that it was a deliberate choice on his part, that he liked his amenities, his home, his car, his electronic toys, and was willing to work to be able to enjoy those things. Well, wouldn't be my choice, but at least it's a choice.

I am a person who is always re-evaluating things, always trying to think outside the box and figure out how I can live my life best for me, and because of that I sometimes make some unusual decisions. I never think they're that radical until I start seeing how people react. For instance, the year or so I lived without a phone - any kind of phone, no landline, no cell, only using a payphone when necessary. It was liberating and peaceful, but people were shocked at my choice, as if they could not even conceive of not having that constant connection to the outside world. (Some people are, these days, almost as shocked that I don't use a cell phone, and that I have no desire to.) Or my situation with my partner, how we are in a committed, long-term relationship while living apart and with no plans to ever live together, because we like our space and autonomy and enjoy spending only quality time together. Because that's against the unwritten rule, that you go along a natural progression of dating, exclusive dating, moving in together, and then probably marriage. Why? Because most people do it that way. Do they even want to? Who can tell, when so many just go through the motions. I'm sure it does work for some, but I'm also sure that many others would benefit from other approaches to relationships (as evidenced by the number of people who tell me what a great idea that is, and how they secretly kind of want to do it themselves).

So what does this have to do with Dionysos? Well people give a lot of lip service to Dionysos being about freedom. But what does that mean? To me, freedom is pursuing your True Will. And to do that, first you have to actually figure out what your Will is, and then you have to have the courage to put it into action, even if it's scary. Living as a Dionysian does not just mean being willing to let Dionysos tear you apart when He wants or needs to, submitting to His liberation in a passive way. It means taking the lead in your own life, destroying that which is no longer working (before it becomes necessary for Him to step in), building what you do want, following your passion. It means making the hard decisions, the scary ones, and the joyful ones as well. It means being flexible enough to change your mind when it's appropriate, and yet dedicated enough not to give up on something when the going gets tough, if it's what you really want.

The biggest, most life-changing decision I ever made (even though I didn't realize the full effects at the time) was just as I was finishing up college. I had been in a crisis, as I realized that my days of hiding behind getting a degree were coming to an end, and I would be forced into the "real world" soon and be expected to have some idea of what I wanted to do with my life from there on out. I considered several relatively mainstream options, but none felt right, all felt like a compromise. Because what I really wanted to be doing, what I was undeniably passionate about, was my spiritual path. And yet, I thought, that can't be "what I do" - it's not a career, it's not even a vocation like being an artist (little did I know how wrong I was, but that's another story), it's not anything I will be able to share with most people when they ask what I do, it is not recognized or respected by the general public or even most people I knew. It certainly won't pay my bills. But yet I felt in my bones, I am a maenad. I felt Dionysos calling me.

Then I saw the movie Unbreakable, where a man discovers his destiny, although he can never share it with anyone. There's a part where he describes waking up every day with a sadness deep in his heart, and then once he is following his path he no longer feels that sadness each morning. I had been feeling that very same thing. And I was lucky, because I already knew what the path ahead was. I had just been too scared to take it. I decided that my spiritual life would be my focus from then on, no matter what else I had to do to pay the bills, no matter how I had to describe myself to others, none of that mattered. It led to a divorce, a long period of poverty, a much less stable life than I would have had otherwise. It led to a certain amount of alienation from the rest of the world. But I do not regret it one bit. Because I am doing what I am meant to be doing. I would not trade it for the safe, agreed-upon path that most take unquestioningly.

So that's my Dionysian value, but one I think really applies to everyone, that would make everyone happier and more fulfilled. Examine your life, your hopes and dreams, what will really make you satisfied, and then do whatever you can to create that. Live life to its fullest, whatever that means for you personally.