One can live a rich religious life by honoring all the gods and spirits equally. One can fulfill one's religious duties this way, and receive benefits as well. But in my opinion, there is nothing so rewarding, although often difficult and terrifying, as developing an intense, personal relationship with a deity.

Polytheism gives us a greater opportunity for personal relationships with the gods than does monotheism with its one, omnipotent and somewhat distant God. In Vodoun, a mixture of Catholicism and African paganism, it is said that God is supreme, but one pays more attention to the loa, because they are closer to humans. (I don't personally believe in a supreme deity, but the end result is similar practices.) And Vodounists have a special relationship with their gods - they are ridden by them, possessed, they give the gods a venue for incarnation. (Although this particular kind of possession is rare in modern paganism, there are many ways to contact the gods through ecstatic and altered states of consciousness - see my last article on divine madness.)

I was committed to my god before I was pagan, before I had even begun to understand him (or anything, really), by the age of thirteen. I can't even remember when I learned of him; it's as if one day I woke up and he was beside me, and has been ever since. It was by following him that I eventually became the religious person I am today. I often compare my feelings for him to that of a lover, but they are not really comparable (despite his very sexual nature). I have a human relationship too, wonderful and fulfilling. What I have with my god is different.

I am completely dedicated to Dionysos beyond this body or life, beyond any of my limited ideas of my "self." I will do what he asks of me without question, I will honor him above all others. And I have come to realize lately that I truly believe my recent prayer to him: I will always love you, worship you, and perform your rites, even if you never look back at me, even if this all goes unnoticed, and you care not for me. To have a god respond when you speak is one of the most awesome experiences in life; but the true devotee does not require it.

Some have asked me how I think the gods benefit from these relationships. I wouldn't presume to guess. Percival Everett writes a Dionysos that experiences earthly thoughts and feelings through his servant. Others have suggested that the gods live off of our worship. I think the will of the gods is always somewhat of a mystery. I also think that the question is irrelevant. If a god or goddess chooses so graciously to accept your dedication, why question their motives? After all, trust is an important and necessary part of the deal.

This level of commitment can be a daunting prospect. It is difficult to be bound to a god, to promise to carry out their rituals and always pay worship to them. Sometimes they may ask you to endure a hardship for various reasons. You have to be willing to give of yourself completely. It is also frightening to be that close to deity; I am reminded of Semele burning to ashes in the view of Zeus' full splendor. One might fear not receiving a deity's attention in return, but it may be more terrifying to actually receive it! No one should enter into this lightly. But like many things in life, if you are willing to open yourself up to it without reservations, the potential rewards are endless.

I have done many things to show my dedication to Dionysos. I have a tattoo, piercing and names that in effect label me as owned by my god. I have performed his rites, fasted in his honor, and I drink to him first. Of course, I never feel that I am doing enough. I can only vow - privately, publicly, in words and in actions - to honor him in any and every way I can.